Category: Fundamental Thoughts

By Jonathon Winkler

On a drunken Saturday night on the verge of urinating my pants (the typical Saturday night for me); a friend and I randomly wandered into that dark dank basement called the Meadowlark. As we drunkenly stumbled down the stairs, there was a sound becoming more and more apparent. “Is that punk rock music?” I thought in my inebriated brain. I started to get an erection. My heart started to beat fast. Was I hallucinating? I thought Denver was just a bunch of hippie pussies that like “the dead”. As I finally got into the venue, it was in fact “punk rock music” and, surprisingly, quite good! As the total docile tools that make up most of Denver peered through their vintage glasses upon the band, I took this as a sign to start an old fashion “mosh pit” at age 30. I think I punched some random vintage t shirt wearing guy in the face and it was all downhill from there…

Now wait!!! This was a band that was just antagonizing me to do so!! It is not my fault and I am unwilling to accept any responsibility for my terrible behavior. IT WAS THEIR FAULT! They just rocked that good!! The “mosh pit” I started consisted solely of me throwing myself around and almost vomiting while ruining everyone’s night and acting like a total asshole. I think my friend left in embarrassment, which is understandable. At one point I stole someone’s drink and attempted to make out with random chicks that walked by in disgust. When that failed, I went after the fellas. They weren’t havin’ that!!

Again, the bands fault!!!

Surprisingly I was not kicked out and the band raged on as I flopped around like a 30 year old bald idiot. No surprises there. As the night persisted, the music got better and better, faster and faster. Ironically, as this occurred, my behavior paralleled this; but instead of getting better and better, I was getting drunker and drunker and therefore more and more retarded. I am thinking of writing the meadowlark stating my confusion to why I was not kicked out and also why they shouldn’t allow drunk idiots, such as myself, to randomly start mosh pits. It would read as such:

 

Dear Meadowlark,

As a frequent visitor of your fine establishment, I was quite shocked last night during the local musical group performance of The Pitch Invasion (terrible name). My shock consists of both disgust and disdain for there was a balding belligerent gentleman that was acting quite rude and harassing the customers. It seemed he was flicking everyone off and constantly hand gesturing putting male genitals in his mouth. In and out! This homo-eroticism was both tantalizing and disgusting. He was clearly acting like an infant. In the future, I would hope that Meadowlark would be more thorough in weeding out these bad seeds. They ruin everyone’s night and are just immature attention seekers. I could understand this happening at Matchbox, but from you Meadowlark?! I would expect more. Please be more diligent in allowing these assholes in. They just end up shitting all over everyone’s night. I did not get laid and I think it was because of this guy.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Your faithful client

 

Anyways, I had a great time, so I guess fuck everyone else? I don’t know. I do know that The Pitch Invasion has a rough & gruff sound. There lyrics are fun and identify local cultural events that occur in and around Denver (such as picking up prostitutes around Colfax as stipulated in the track “3 Fingers of Fun”). They do have a bit of a DRI sound, but slightly heavier, which is great. The Pitch Invasion has a lot more of a punk sound than crossover thrash sound also. All the dudes seem to be older, so they know how to rock and party unlike the disappointing youth today who are always whining, docile, and use way too much hand sanitizer in public. Apparently the band plays quite often around Denver. Below is a listing, I hope to see you at their shows. I most likely will be putting my dick in your drink and trying to unsuccessfully make out with your girlfriends…XOXO

Here are a list of live shows and some songs that are good!

http://www.reverbnation.com/thepitchinvasion

May 9th at the lion’s lair is there next show!!!!

They call you a hoe.

You’re known as the round-about chick, the community a$$, the easy lay. A movie and dinner is all it takes, sometimes less, at least that’s what some say. So a young man hears the rumors, “I’m next” is what he tells all his boys; how big of a playa he is, the girls he pulls and all that bullshit noise. He doesn’t even know your name, but knows you’re where to go for a good time…so when he approaches, he’s taken back learning you were raped at age 9. His smile wipes and eyes widen as his mouth drops. You haven’t had sex since it happened, but he does nothing to help the rumors stop. Boys always have to save face so he tells his guys the whole night you were on top of him….a week later, his stomach drops learning you’re now in a coffin. You couldn’t take the image they’ve all made, so you reached for the pills. You smile as your eyes become heavy, your heart beats slow as you think of the rumors finally growing still.

You’re the starting QB….

Everyone knows your name. You’re only in highschool, but you already have TMZ type fame. And your letterman jacket allows you to have the most popular of friends. Then one day they ask what you’ve dreaded and tried to avoid: why you don’t have a girlfriend. You play it off, claiming your focused on the football game and class. Little do your boys know, it’s not only girls that check they ass when they pass. You’ve held this secret since you were 12, and growing up gay was rough. You told your dad about it, and he put you in football thinking you’re just not tough enough. Everytime you set behind center, you have a dilemna, and you don’t know what to do anymore. You wish it didn’t have to be a touchdown with your wide receiver for you to score. No one will ever know your secret, so you just continue doing what you do. But while you’re worried about getting caught, you missed the wink the halfback sent to you…

Bully, A**hole, Jerk…

Just a few of the names people say. But they won’t say it to your face, they tremble seeing you walking down the hallway. You’ll steal lunch money, shoes, if they have dreams, you want those too. When people ask why you do it, you smirk “That’s just life, boo.” On your way home, with your bad ass, stealing candy from the store. You come home, and see nail scratches on the door. You open it slow, and see your mother on the floor. One of your…”uncles”…on top of her screaming. You think you’re sleeping or dreaming seeing her blood streaming. He sees you, bolts out of the house without a bye. She grabs sunglasses off the counter to hide her black eye. You begin to cry in her arms, and ask her “Why do you allow this to happen to you?” She shows you the stack of cash, and says, “That’s just life, boo.”