I Was Just Wondering
I wonder if when we’re on the phone, about to sleep with it on, instead of falling asleep you stay awake as well and quietly thank God for the person on the other end. I mean, just listening to your harmoniously rhythmical breathing is enough to remind me of more things to thank God for.
I wonder if your exes are blind or have mental handicaps. They must, to allow someone like you go. An angel, created by God, crested by the moon in it’s envious attempts to mimic the light you produce, and the sun whimpers into hiding, because the beam of hope you emit burns brighter than any star could ever fathom.
I wonder if after we fight, you also wish the fight never occurred, and that we can be on the phone laughing, and elaborating on our future together. I wonder if thje day after a fight, you notice the weather seems depressing with thunder clouds seeming to angrily illuminate their frustrations that you and I aren’t together. I wonder if you realize the weather is brighter when you smile, or maybe just my world is. Could be.
I wonder if you’ve come to realize the people you suffered with, the ones that caused heartbreak, and the ones who are no longer there all left to strengthen you. Once pressure is applied to coal, diamonds are the results, and I wonder if you also realize the hottest flames make for the brightest diamond. I wonder if you believe like I do that the reason all of these things happened was so I can be a strong enough companion for you. That God made us partners before we knew, and everything we’ve gone through, was just so I can get to you. I wonder if you find this to be true.
I wonder if you wonder about me, and are able to simply say my name to smile. I wonder if whenever my ringtone plays, your heart skips a mile. I wonder if you laugh out loud about a joke you remember I said three days ago, and you’ll laugh about it no matter the season. I wonder if your day is also made when you get a text saying “I love you” for no particular reason.
I wonder if you realize when I say I got you, that it means more than you’ll ever know. And those three words along with these three words (I love you) should be things I don’t just say, but I also show. I’m sorry for my flaws, and that the length of the day limits the time we spend. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way when I say I could never just be your friend, for if this love was to end, you’ve cursed me to forever settle for someone worse who will never deserve my time to spend.
I wonder these things because I love to wonder about us. I might be alone…but I might not be.